Technique One: Playing a Role

Sometimes, if we are struggling to build rapport with a class or an individual learner, we might need to take on a role to establish a better working relationship.

This involves us changing the set of behaviours we normally associate with being a teacher and adopting a different set that we feel are more likely to help us achieve our goals in the short-term.

This is not always an easy thing to do.

It tends to be necessary on those occasions when our usual methods of building rapport have failed.

As such, there is a certain implicit challenge to our sense of self that we must overcome.

That challenge goes something like:

• ‘I normally work in this way and manage to build rapport. Why isn’t it happening this time? Is there something wrong what I’m doing?’

Such self-talk is common.

However, don’t get caught up in it.

Push it to one side and try doing things differently instead.

If your usual approach doesn’t work, this reflects the efficacy of the approach in a given situation.

It’s not a reflection of you as an individual.

The real question you should be asking is:

• ‘If my usual approach doesn’t seem to be working, what other method could I try?’

Note how the subject of the two thoughts is different.

In the first case, we are the subject.

In the second case, the most suitable approach is the subject.

This subtle change of focus makes taking on a different role much easier.

It becomes an opportunity to problem-solve by trying something different.

So, what does it mean to take on a different role?

Well, for example, we might usually play the role of motivator while we are teaching and find that, for once, this doesn’t work, serving to alienate learners rather than engage them.

Having realised this, we would then need to look for a different role that might help us to build rapport.

Perhaps we try the role of questioner or facilitator and find that one of these works better.

At root, this technique is about coming to appreciate that one size does not always fit all in terms of rapport building.

Your usual approach – the usual role you take on – may work ninety five percent of the time.

In my experience, it often does.

But this is about understanding that on those rare occasions when it doesn’t work, it’s often better to try something different than it is to keep on doing what you’ve always done.

Having flexibility over the role we play gives us space to change our behaviour.

The alteration often only needs to be subtle.

For example, from motivator to facilitator.

But through this we can respond to the specific dynamics of a class or the personality of a particular learner.

Technique Two: Self-Deprecation and Humour

Another technique to consider is using self-deprecation and humour.

Both can be very effective when it comes to building rapport.

Though they need to be handled with care.

And they always work better if you feel confident when using them.

Self-deprecation sees us playing up our weaknesses and demonstrating the ability to laugh at ourselves.

It is engaging because it breaks down the barrier between audience and performer – in this case, learners and the teacher.

This happens through the tacit acknowledgement that audience and performer both know the rules of the game and know how to subvert them to have a little fun.

Humour builds rapport because laughter is infectious, because seeing the comedy in things brings levity and lifts our mood, and because humour is based on a set of shared understandings.

With this said, some humour works through exclusion, with individuals or groups made the butt of jokes.

This type of humour is probably best avoided in the classroom as it alienates those who are excluded and implies that creating a hierarchy of different groups within the class is acceptable.

When using humour and self-deprecation, there is a fine line between engaging your learners and undermining yourself.

Too much humour or self-deprecation may tip the balance in the wrong direction.

And this isn’t good for your behaviour management.

You’ll have to work hard to pull things back to where you want them.

And you’ll have to put humour and self-deprecation on the backburner for a while, perhaps becoming sterner than you want to be in the short-term.

Getting the balance right involves carefully judging the mood and dynamic of your class.

You can then decide how much humour and self-deprecation is appropriate.

As a rule of thumb, the better you know a class, the easier it is to make this judgement.

To avoid unintentionally giving rise to situations you don’t want, start off by keeping humour and self-deprecation to a minimum.

Do not exclude it altogether but do begin by using it just a little.

This way, you can quickly and easily judge the effects to which it gives rise before using this information to inform future decision-making.

Some classes respond poorly to humour, others well.

Knowing this in advance – by first testing the water – helps you moderate and monitor your use of the technique, allowing you to find a balance that builds the kind of rapport you want.